who needs functionality when there's the iPad?

Apple's recent announcement of the iPad shot me through a whole spectrum of reactions. At first I thought, "Cool!" Then, "Hm." And finally, "Blech." The descent from intrigue to fatigue came much faster than many other products I've seen. Usually it takes a while, with hands-on time at least, before I walk away unimpressed. So what happened with the iPad?

Well, to start, the more I learned about it, the less appealing it became. At first, it looked like a sleek new item. Sure, it looks like a giant iPod Touch, but hey, the iPod Touch looks nice, therefore the iPad does too. So...cool!

But then I learned that you have to type with the touch keyboard unless you get a separate wireless keyboard. It doesn't support Flash. It still has that stupid accelerometer that makes it hard for me to get out of goddamn landscape mode on my iTouch. The largest model is only 32 GB, with no SD card support (only microSIM for 3G models). Oh yea, and the 3G models are bitch-expensive.

Hm, that sucks. What else?

No camera. No stylus. No e-ink display. No USB ports. No video output. And no freaking multitasking.

Blech.

It's kind of like this:

(("Wow your iPad looks great! ...But where do you sleep?"))
img from: http://www.supertapete.de/bilder/rbc_contzen_01.jpg

This thing is basically giving the finger to graphic designers, people on the go, and really anyone who has data or uses the Internet. The question is, then, just who is this product for? The iPad is like the bastard child of an iPod Touch and a tablet PC, wanted by neither parent, which leads it to grow up to become the maladjusted loner it is today. Of course, die-hard Apple fans can be counted on to snap this up, which means the iPad will still sell millions and yadda yadda yadda Steve Jobs is the second coming of Christ.

Now, functionality aside, there are also numerous jokes floating about regarding its name (iTampon, anyone? Also, apologies for the lame pun in the caption above). Really, the name itself doesn't bother me, though. I mean, I balked at the Wii when its name was first revealed, but it sounds natural to me now. Names you can get used to.

Uselessness, though, is another thing.