commercial failure

The other day, I was eating some Apple Jacks. But, I didn't realize they were Apple Jacks at first. I remember eating a handful and thinking, "Since when were Froot Loops only two colors?" It took a few seconds before I realized that what I was eating was Apple Jacks because it distinctly didn't taste like apples, which made me think about those commercials they aired in the 90s.

Running a marketing campaign centered around the premise that yes, Apple Jacks don't taste like apples, that only the adults care to bring it up because 'they don't get it,' and that the kids simply 'eat what [they] like' just seems like poor marketing, even when I was an impressionable little kid watching these commercials on TV.

First of all, I honestly can't imagine anybody really caring that Apple Jacks did not taste like apples, despite the word 'apple' being in its name. It's a name on a kid's cereal - it's just something cute. Nobody questions why there's a rabbit turning tricks for cheap or why kids are chasing a little man dressed in green. That's just how it is. By bringing attention to the fact, it's only reminding people that, okay, these things don't taste like apple, but then again, most things don't. It's like lifting up the curtain over naive children's eyes to reveal the multitude of non-apple-flavored foods out there - many of which taste better than a box of Apple Jacks.

Also, I seriously doubt parents would be overly concerned about why there is no 'apple-ness' to Apple Jacks. Rather, if a person knew anything about good parenting, they'd probably be more concerned with, say, how much sugar is in the cereal. Maybe try to be less concerned about technicalities and more concerned about obesity and heart disease. The commercials, then, are almost insulting a mother or father's parenting skills - why would they want to buy their child a box of insult-cereal after seeing that commercial?

The commercials also try and get kids to think they're in some special club, like they're 'in the know.' Basically, they're condoning backtalk and the 'Whatevah Ah do what Ah want, BITCH' mentality. Sure, it starts off innocently enough, but just wait - Apple Jacks have planted that seed that'll grow into sneaking out at night to do heroin and make babies. If my kid rolled their eyes and patronized me when I simply asked a question, I'd make sure that all they ate from then on was fucking Raisin Bran or Corn Flakes. The parents buy the cereal for the kids only to get this kind of attitude? Hell no.

Finally, the commercials in the 90s always ended with the line, 'We eat what we want!' There's the very obvious correlation to 'Whatevah Ah do what Ah want, BITCH,' but besides that, it is, again, just poor marketing. The advertisers are trying to suggest that kids want to eat Apple Jacks, but in the world of marketing, you can't give the kids options. To get them to buy your product, you don't say this is what you want, you tell them this is what you need. By having kids say 'We eat what we want,' the viewers are likely to think, 'Well, Apple Jacks sound ok, but I think I'd rather eat some candy smothered in fudge and then maybe eat a hot dog caked in butter.' There are so many foods in the world, and by suggesting that these kids have a choice, they'll be confused and will probably buy things that don't have 'Apple' or 'Jacks' in its name.

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While we're on the subject of cereal, another commercial that has always bugged me were the ones for Frosted Flakes, which would end with 'They're grrrreat!' I understand the positive association and the pun off the tiger noise, but something about it is off. It's probably because 'grrr', unlike a purr, is a sound that a tiger usually makes when it's angry. So...wait. Is Tony the Tiger fucking threatening me? Is he suggesting that I think Frosted Flakes are good too, lest he rip my head off and slurp up my blood?

Disturbing, to say the least.

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And yesterday, while I was walking around downtown San Mateo, a person handed me a flyer for U.S. First Credit Union. Their tagline is "Not a Bank," with the first line of the flyer reading, "U.S. First Credit Union is not a bank, so you can trust us with your money."

Hm. Well, I'm not a bank either, so you can trust me with your money as well, yes?

I understand where they're trying to go with this (same goes for the Apple Jacks commerical), but seriously. I have no marketing experience and even I know that it's always better to say what you are rather than what you are not. Again, if your business is unique, stating what you are can give people the impression that they need your services or your product because that need can't be filled elsewhere. Saying that you are not something, though, only leaves them with options. Horrible, confusing, frightening options.

Brainwashing is the way to go, yo.