fun with semantics: apples

The other day, my mom bugged me about eating fruit, claiming that eating apples will "keep the doctor away." Okay, she didn't say that exactly, but it was in Chinese, and the general sentiment made me think of that phrase.

It's a curious saying, as eating apples may help with health, but it sure won't always keep the doctor away. What if you contract a rash? Pinkeye? An STD? Stab wound? Gout? I'd like to see an apple cure that shit.

And what if someone thinks that only eating an apple a day will keep the doctor away? Then you get malnutrition. Maybe even scurvy.

Just some food for thought.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go eat an orange.

i would do...not very much, apparently.

Upon hearing the first few seconds of "Grenade" by Bruno Mars on the radio, I thought it was pretty catchy. And then I listened to the lyrics. I don't know what to really say about those lyrics, except that if I threw a live grenade at Bruno Mars, I would bet a lot of money that he wouldn't catch it - he would run the fuck away from it.

Here's the song in full:

While I can go on and on about what's wrong with this song and all other songs like it, I'll let Flight of the Conchords do that instead:

hm.

Somebody seems to know something I don't...

status symbol

Oof haven't updated this in a while, so...apologies to the handful of people who bother checking.

Anyways, in light of Facebook's recent milestone of surpassing 500 million users, I thought I'd throw in a handy guide to writing status updates (hey, it works for Twitter, too!):

[General sentiment meant to suggest something poetic, but ultimately means nothing.]

ex: "Some people say live like you're dying. I say die like you're living."

[A quote that makes you look smart, but you're really just taking someone else's words.]

ex: "One could do worse than be a swinger of birches. - Robert Frost"

[Your plans for the evening, so that others can presumably plan their time around yours.]

ex: "Tonight I'll be in lab, then grab a quick dinner, try to take over the world, and sleep!"

[Incredibly trivial detail that nobody cares about.]

ex: "Blew my nose!"

[A question, because it's easier than, you know, actually talking to somebody.]

ex: "Hey, anybody want to hang out? ...I'm so lonely."

[COMPLAIN...about anything and everything!]

ex: "Ugh my life sucks."

ex2: "Sick again. Whyyyyy."

ex3: "I'm soooo bored."

ex4: "Geez people need to stop being so self-centered. Why can't they be more like me?"

Happy updating!

ohoho

http://gawker.com/5214966/its-a-punderful-world

http://www.threepanelsoul.com/view.php?date=2010-03-22

Link dump, but these highlight the main reason why I love journalism.