the flip

I don't think I'm being too braggardly (that should totally be a word) when I say that I'm pretty decent at cooking and baking. At the very least, the stuff I cook is edible and not terrible tasting. There is, however, one skill in the kitchen that has always eluded me: the flip.

Ah, the flip. What a bastardly skill to master, always besting me with its black magic, aka physics. To give you an idea of how bad my flip is, I once made a pancake that looked like a danish. How the fuck did that happen?

We even have one of those flip pans, and I still can't get it right. Sad, I know. Omelets tumble down the egg hierarchy to the level of scrambled eggs. Pancakes lose their circular shape, thereby robbing them of the right to be called pancakes.

(Above: IT DOES NOTHING.)
img from: kitchencontraptions.com

I'm a little afraid that my inability to flip in the kitchen will seep out and affect other areas of my life as well. What if I run into an asshole and try to flip him off, only to give him a thumbs up instead? Then I'd be encouraging him, making me the asshole in the situation. The implications are terrifying and somewhat contrived.

(Above: "Hey, fuck you!")
img from: http://web.mit.edu/ryangray/Public/Gnus/thumbs_up.jpg

For now, though, I'm happy being able to cook/bake at all, and won't let some flip bring me down. If you want breakfast, however, just expect half your pancake to still be raw.