fat chance

Healthy food can kiss my ass.

To understand my sentiments, let's go back a couple days.

The other day, a few of my friends and I were feeling a little nostalgic, and decided to hit up our high school and middle school for lunch.

To understand why we would do this, you have to keep in mind that this food was some of the fattiest, unhealthiest crap ever made. And it was heavenly.

In high school, we had crispy burritos, which were basically fatty, oily meat within a deep fried shell; chicken and rice burritos, which were swimming in oily sauce; and french fries, which we may have thought better than they were because, being income-less high schoolers, we were pretty much constantly hungry in those days.

So we journeyed to high school, waited in line for half an hour, and then realized that everything had changed. And what terrible, terrible changes they were. The menu seemed paltry - the anorexic skeleton of its plump former self. And the items were no better: what the fuck is a steak and cheese tornado? Everything else seemed to be much 'healthier' offerings than the glorious heart attacks of the past.

But we had waited for so long, and so we bought something each.

(Above: Our sad selection of food)

The best we could manage to get was a parfait, a sandwich, and a cheese stick. They didn't even have the freaking steak and cheese tornadoes.

Our middle school, however, had become something extraordinary. We were hesitant to enter since we definitely can't blend in there, but I convinced them to soldier on, the promise of Taco Pockets driving me forward. Once in, we found the familiar quad, though now it was peppered with nice tables underneath umbrellas. It was like a cafe out here. I'm pretty sure it was cleaner, too.

Anyways, once I found my sister, she had wonderfully gotten me a Taco Pocket already, though there were no more left for the others. Creeper or not, the food and atmosphere in middle school was far superior to that of our high school.

(Above: Still tastes amazing. Tacos simply won't do if they're not in pocket form.)

And so I've come to the conclusion that healthy food sucks. My high school tried going the healthier route, and what happens? They end up with 4 or 5 items on the menu, none of which sound appetizing. My middle school, on the other hand, still has the Taco Pockets. They even added new flavors (according to the Assistant Principal, who laughed when we told him why we were there). These things cannot be good for you, and yet the school has stayed true to its heart-bursting ways, and for that, I salute them.

And I will continue to salute them throughout my deliciously shortened lifespan.