the many problems of a lonely child: a deeper look at christopher robin

What sad, sad life does Christopher Robin lead? Not only does the boy never seem to have any friends over in the Hundred Acre Wood and thus resorts to playing with stuffed animals, he's implanted some kind of disorder onto each one - a sign of his own twisted psyche, perhaps?

Firstly, there's Winnie the Pooh. It's already been stated that he's a bear with "very little brain." However, as the 'main' character in Christopher Robin's imaginary playhouse, perhaps Pooh is a reflection of Christopher Robin's poor self-image. Maybe Chris sees himself as a little bit retarded - one of the central reasons why he has trouble making friends at school?

Then there's Eeyore, who's obviously depressed. The donkey (or 'ass', if you will) demonstrates an absolute pessimism regarding life, wearing his defeatist attitude like some badge to garner pity. It's a shame he doesn't drop it as often as he drops his tail.

Next up is Tigger. Watch this clip and try telling me he doesn't suffer from ADHD:



Furthermore, he states very clearly that he is the only Tigger. This indicates that he is a dangerously endangered species. Actually, with nobody to mate with, he's essentially extinct - it's only a matter of time. Now, anything that can maintain that cheeriness when their species is on the brink of dying out has to be disturbed on some level. Maybe he killed the rest of the Tiggers.

Rabbit's anality regarding the upkeep of his garden and household makes him a shoe-in for OCD. The neat row of carrots he plants and the frenzy he enters when his pristine property is disturbed even slightly reveals a creature who's got his shit a little...too together.

Piglet's apologetic bumbling kind shows GAD, or generalized anxiety disorder. Blaming every little thing on himself, Piglet represents, in his diminuitive size, the physical approximation of Christopher Robin's self-esteem.

From here, it just gets weirder.

Then there's Owl, whose affected manner of speaking and higher placement in society (quite literally, as he lives in the trees) points to some kind of God complex - sure, you can just call him arrogant, but it's somehow more than that.

Kanga is seemingly fairly normal - she's a bit overprotective, perhaps, but that's to be expected from a single mother. In this case, though, her sheltering of Roo has developed within him an Oedipal complex. Not only does he stay close to his mother, he also seeks a father figure in Tigger and ends up trying to kill him. When the two of them jump up the tree, Tigger is visibly frightened at the prospect of falling to his death (or to many broken bones/ripped stitches, at least). Roo, however, expresses nothing but excitement, even urging Tigger to go higher. Devious little bastard.

But none of this is as twisted as the Heffalumps and Woozles. Ok, so Christopher Robin has imaginary friends. But when these figments start having their own hallucinations, you know something's wrong with this kid:




Perhaps a still image from that clip will drive the message home:

...What the fuck. This is what Christopher Robin, the little bundle of everything-that-can-go-wrong-in-a-child, imagines the products of his imaginations dream up during fits of paranoia and fear.

I wonder why he doesn't have any friends.

**One thing to note: my friends and I have come up with a lot of the disorders years ago, but in doing research just now (namely, Wikipedia), I came across an article that touches on some similar aspects. Nevertheless, I'm basing much of this on that old Disney movie, The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, which I've seen quite a few times on VHS.